Bad Girl
by Slo Motion
Summary: She was lost, out of control. She was miserable. So she made a choice: she decided to take her life.


**Title: **"Bad Girl"

**Main Character(s): **A Roxanne story, but Chandler will be mentioned throughout the story

**Author: **Chandler-Roxanne-Fan-Forever

**Rating:** PG-13; for slightly dark themes, suicide, some language, and sexual mentions

**Genre: **Tragedy, one-short, song-fic, alternate universe

**Main POV:** Roxanne

**Character Death: **This is my one and only warning: if you hate the thought of characters dying, then DO NOT read any further on! There will be a death in this story.

**Coupling: **Chandler/Roxanne, but not really, only Roxanne appears

**Songs Used: **'Bad Girl' by Madonna

**Setting:** The summer of 2003. It is about July, two months after season 7 ended, but two months before season 8 began. I'd call this an in between kind of story.

**Disclaimer: **7th Heaven does not belong to me. Nor does the song 'Bad Girl' by Madonna. Nothing in this story is mine.

**Summary:** She was lost, out of control. She was miserable. So she made a choice: she decided to take her life. (One-short)

**A/N: **Ok, before you read the story, this will be very AU for the usual niceness and everything-is-ok-don't-cry theme of 7th Heaven. It may also be OOC, and I'm sorry if it is.

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I opened my eyes slowly. I felt silk. The sheets of the bed I was lying in were silk. My night slip was silk. I had awoken in my own bed for once, and not some random guy's, much to my relief.

I had a terrible hangover. I also smelt like an ashtray. And I almost died when I saw a condom wrapper on the floor. Oh great, I'd screwed another random guy. Only this time, I did it in my own bed. I'm sure as hell surprised that I was even sober enough to lead that random guy to my house.

But I'd done it again. I'd cheated on Chandler. I loved him, but yet I still did all this. I still smoked like a goddamn chimney, I still trotted off to parties in some cheap outfit, I still drank myself into oblivion, and I still had sex with every random guy that came my way. I wanted things to go back to the way they were, before I was like this. I wanted to be someone that Chandler could be proud to call his girlfriend, not this dirty, smoking, provocative, slutty thing that I am.

I can't believe that I keep cheating on Chandler. I love him some much. I wanted more than anything in the world to be the happily married Mrs. Roxanne Hampton, not Miss Roxanne Richardson. I hate who she has become. She is the pathetic lump lying in this bed.

_Something's missing and I don't know why  
I always feel the need to hide my feelings from you  
Is it me or you that I'm afraid of  
I tell myself I'll show you what I'm made of  
Can't bring myself to let you go_

I'm not sure how I had ended up the way I am. One night, I smoked my first cigarette and drank a few beers too many at a party I went to with my friend, Stacy. Then I started fucking guys I met at parties at random.

I hated myself. I was just hurting myself, my friends, my family, and Chandler. If I love him so much, I should just break up with him. I am just hurting him by staying with him.

Chandler knows that I've picked up smoking as a habit. He tries to help me stop. He also knows about my drinking problem. He also tries to help me stop that too.

But he just can't get me to stop. I can't get me to stop. Nobody can get me to stop. I'm hooked. Hooked on drinking, smoking, cheap sex, partying, and hurting the ones closest to me. Mainly Chandler, who doesn't even know how many other guys I've slept with besides him. Heck, not even I know, I lost count after ten. I made Chandler give up his virginity, his innocence, on me thinking I was 'the love of his life' just to have me cheat on him. What kind of girlfriend am I? I can answer that: a bad one, a very bad one. I love Chandler so much, I want to stop hurting him. I want to stop hurting everyone I care about. Chandler, Daddy, Mom, Lucy, Kevin, Stacy, myself, and so many others

_Don't want to cause you any pain  
But I love you just the same  
And you'll always be my baby  
In my heart I know we've come apart  
And I don't know where to start  
What can I do…I don't wanna feel blue_

_Bad girl drunk by six  
Kissing someone else's lips  
Smoked too many cigarettes today  
I'm not happy when I act this way _

Bad girl drunk by six  
Kissing some kind stranger's lips  
Smoked too many cigarettes today  
I'm not happy, I'm not happy

I hated feeling like this. Feeling insecure and like a shadow of myself. Like I was living in a shell.

Why am I doing this to Chandler? Why am I doing this to myself?

I should just end everything. But I'm afraid to do that too. I'm afraid to just kill myself. I would just hurt the ones I love even more. I would just be taking the selfish way out of life. I would just smash Chandler's heart into pieces.

I hated myself for hurting Chandler. Chandler. The man who loved me. The man who wanted be with me and marry me, no matter what I did. The man who gave up his virginity for me. The man who always helped me, no matter what my problem may have been. The man who always handed his heart and love out to me every time I needed it, yet I just toyed with it. You just don't do that to the people you love.

I am totally worthless.

_Something's happened and I can't go back  
I fall apart every time you hand your heart out to me  
What happens now, I know I don't deserve you  
I wonder how I'm ever gonna hurt you  
Can't bring myself to let you go_

_I don't want to cause you any pain  
But I love you just the same  
And you'll always be my baby  
In my heart I know we've come apart  
And I don't know where to start  
What can I do…I don't wanna feel blue_

_Bad girl drunk by six  
Kissing someone else's lips  
Smoked too many cigarettes today  
I'm not happy when I act this way _

Bad girl drunk by six  
Kissing some kind stranger's lips  
Smoked too many cigarettes today  
I'm not happy, I'm not happy this way

I had to let it all go. My anger, my fears, my hate of myself. I was going to end my life, whether I wanted to or not. I had to. I was just a destruction to everyone around me. To my family, to my friends, and to Chandler, my one true love. I didn't want to cause anybody anymore pain.

I slowly walked over to my police uniform. I was once proud to wear it. Now, I was too disgusted with myself to look at myself dressed in it in the mirror let alone go out in public for it. I grabbed my gun holster and pulled my gun out of it and walked back over to my bed. I sat down and placed the gun against my head.

_I don't want to cause you any pain  
But I love you just the same  
And you'll always be my baby  
In my heart I know we've come apart  
And I don't know where to start  
What can I do…I don't wanna feel blue_

_Bad girl drunk by six  
Kissing someone else's lips  
Smoked too many cigarettes today  
I'm not happy when I act this way  
_

_Bad girl drunk by six  
Kissing someone else's lips  
Smoked too many cigarettes today  
I'm not happy when I act this way  
__I'm not happy this way_

I brought my hand slowly to the trigger of the gun. I was shaking, no, trembling and sweat poured off of my face as I pulled the trigger. I felt the bullet go into my head. I felt the blood pour out of the wound. I felt myself fall into blackness.

_Bad girl drunk by six  
Kissing someone else's lips  
Smoked too many cigarettes today  
I'm not happy when I act this way  
_

_Bad girl drunk by six  
Kissing someone else's lips  
Smoked too many cigarettes today  
I'm not happy, I'm not happy this way_

I was granted vision once again by a bright light. Maybe there was hope for me in the afterlife. I had a feeling that light was the light that leads to Heaven. Maybe God was going to forgive me for my sins. Maybe he stilled loved me.

But then, I felt a force shove me down. It was black again for a while. That is, until bright flames blinded me and I crashed onto a solid and hard ground. I looked around, fire was everywhere. I was in Hell. Heaven had rejected me. Somehow I wasn't surprised.

_I'm not happy  
__Kissing some kind stranger's lips_

Goodbye to earth. Goodbye to partying. Goodbye to smoking. Goodbye to drinking. Goodbye to cheap sex with random guys. Goodbye to life.

I'm sorry Mom and Daddy for disappointing you. I'm sorry to Lucy, Kevin, Stacy, and all my other friends for leaving you. And Chandler, I'm sorry for wasting your love, your virginity, and your heart on myself. I was so selfish. You deserve so much better. Please Chandler, find another girl who will treat you right, but remember, I will always still love you, no matter what.

And everyone, don't pray for me to be put in Heaven. I belong in Hell. I deserve this. I chose to do the things I did. I chose to go wild. I chose to be a bad girl. And now, I'm paying the price for it.

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**A/N:** And it's done. I hope you enjoyed it. Please send a review!

-Alexa


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